Monday, July 22, 2013

I support you but you will always be _____

I am going to write the first part of this post directly to our friends and loved ones who have said or feel this way. The second half is to the trans men and women who have come here seeking advice and information.

Dear Family, friends, and everyone else,

Let me start by saying that the statement “I support you but you will always be _____ is 100% unequivocally bullshit. By stating we “will always be _____”, you are either intentionally or unintentionally rejecting our identity. Ask yourself why you object to the name? Do you hate that name in particular? One cannot accept our transition and reject that we are no longer the person we left behind. This is basic if A then B logic.

Instead of glossing over your true feelings, try having a conversation about this. Expressing that you have a hard time accepting that someone close to you is transitioning, or has transitioned, is not a crime. In fact, I would rather have that conversation and come to some kind of understanding than both of us pretending everything is fine. Here is a suggestion on how to start the conversation: “I understand that you need to transition but I am having a hard time letting go of the person you used to be...”

Dear fellow trans men and women,

Understand that in many ways what we are doing is akin to killing the person we used to be in the eyes and minds of our loved ones. Your spouse more then likely fell in love with you in the gender role you assumed when you met... Your parents most likely raised you in a way that fit your apparent sex. Same with your friends and family... Be mindful of this. I know I am just a guilty as anyone else but hey, no one is perfect. It is so easy to get hurt by words, but we to must be open to this conversation, and not afraid to start it ourselves... Maybe I will take my own advice here...

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