Thursday, July 25, 2013

Where the Path Goes - A Small Bit Concerning "Why" I Transitioned

The many hoops we have to jump through during our transition is exhausting. There are guidelines for when we can have surgery, many of us feel like we have to even “convince” our doctors and therapist we are who we say we are. The internet is full of advocacy and support sites but very little information on the questions we want answered NOW... Then there is the vast minefields full of how to deal with personal and professional relationships once we do start down this path. No wonder that for many of us the path is unclear and we don't even know where to start. For me, even telling my ex-wife (who already knew) that I wanted to transition seemed like an insurmountable task! So, where do we start? Well, my best advice is to start at the beginning. 

What is it you want to do? 

HINT: The answer to this question isn't “have surgery”. That is simply a knee jerk reaction...

For me, I wanted to be alive to see my kids get married and have their own children. I wanted to see Japan, Alaska, the Grand Canyon.... I want to float in the dead sea. Notice my answer had nothing to do with my gender. I think we get so caught up in that part of this that we forget what it is we are even trying to accomplish. For me, none of these things would have happened had I not transitioned. I was so caught up, so distracted (searching for a good words here is difficult) by the discontinuity between my internal self and the self that everyone else knew that I was literally driven to end everything. I knew and accepted the risks because for me, to do nothing was to accept that I had already lost it all. This doesn't mean one needs to be on the brink of suicide to know it is time to transition. That is a point I pray no one ever gets to. I am just saying that the real question we should be asking ourselves is what do we really want beyond this transition. 

Now, I wrote a lengthy six paragraphs about what transition is and my advice in regards to needs, wants and everything in between. The quick answer is that transition is the process many of us go through to get to a place where we can move on. Truth be told, the only advice I can give is this is what I stated above, know why you want to transition... Look beyond surgery... beyond the process... Then start to think objectively about what it is you “need” to do to get there. In a way, our goal isn't to transform who we are so much as it is to transport ourselves to a place where we can live our lives and accomplish our dreams.

Again, we get caught up in the process and so often forget the real goal... To be happy.

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