Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Dating While Transgender

Ok, so dating for me seems to be the most terrifying part of this whole transgender experience. I spent the first few years of my transition married but have since divorced. Now I find myself in the position of possibly wanted to get back out there and date. The problem is I have no freaking clue on how to do this. Sexual preference aside, not only have I been "out of the game" for 12 years, everything I do know about dating is through the lens of being a male!

To make things more complex, I am very open with who I am. I do not hide the fact that I am trans nor do I think I should have to. On a positive note, the few people I have hit it off with (both men and women) didn't even actually flinch at my being trans. Still, sometimes I wonder if telling people right off the bat is a good idea. Does it sabotage a possible relationship before it starts?

The flip side of this of course is that if you hide it, are you then lying? No doubt some would see it that way, which would sabotage the relationship... As with many of you, I personally don't think confessing our history is a requirement but I'm on the inside. As a trans person it is easy to forget that most people don't see things the way we do. I know we need to educate people but I am not sure "Honey, I am a trans woman" followed up with "being transgender means..." are two conversations that will flow together in a way that makes either easier to understand.

There is also the question of who we date. This if full of gotchas! Let's not even go into the cisgender population, there are people even within the LGBT community who stigmatize or exclude trans men and women from the people they would date! Time will hopefully change this but right now this is the sad truth.

All this makes it hard to decide if we tell or don't tell potential partners our history. Do we stick to our own or risk being called liars or worse (there is huge risk of physical violence here!). Anyway, what have your experiences been? I do not have much experience in this area so I definitely would like this to be a discussion.

1 comment:

Daniel Efosa Uyi said...

hey nice post meh, I love your style of blogging here. this post reminded me of an equally interesting post that I read some time ago on Daniel Uyi's blog: how to attract girls .
keep up the good work friend. I will be back to read more of your posts.